Some light humour aimed squarely at ourselves

  • Anonymous
  • unspecified
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Posted: Thu, 30/10/2008 - 06:13

I needed something to raise my spirits (as i cant afford the liquid kind!), so here are some short funnies that only folk in our predicatment can appreciate.... Please dont read if you could be offended!

Q. How do you define opimism?
A. A KSFIOM depositor promising payment next week.

Q. Whats the difference between a KSMIOM depositor and a large pizza?
A. The pizza can still feed a family of four.

Q. What do you say to a KSFIOM employee with a job?
A. Quarter-pounder with fries, please.

Q. What's the capital of Iceland?
A. About £3.50

Q. Whats the difference between a KSFIOM customer and a pigeon?
A. The Pigeon is capable of leaving a small deposit on a new car.

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DOES ALISTAIR DARLING HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO RUN SEVENTEEN BANKS

  • steveejeb
  • 10/10/08 31/05/09
  • a depositor
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  • Thu, 06/11/2008 - 03:07

Bradford & Bingley & Al-Qaeda

  • steveejeb
  • 10/10/08 31/05/09
  • a depositor
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Jokes

  • cottesmore
  • 21/10/08 16/07/12
  • a depositor
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  • Wed, 05/11/2008 - 22:38

This was sent to me by an "ex friend!" Seriously i think you will enjoy.Please, all send this to your banks and see what they say!!

Dear Sirs,

In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me accordingly.

If one of my cheques is returned marked, "insufficient funds." How do i know whether that refers to me,or to you?
Yours sincerely,
Bla bla bla.


Vince Cable used the "pigeon joke"

  • sabi Star
  • 10/10/08 n/a (free)
  • unspecified
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  • Sat, 01/11/2008 - 09:46

Did you see have "I got news for you" last night? Vince Cable used this joke but changed "new" car to Ferrari.
Does he read the site? Hope lots of MPs are.


More Humour

  • Mekong
  • 14/10/08 31/05/09
  • a depositor
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  • Sat, 01/11/2008 - 06:29

This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.

Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - goodbye.

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Icelandic Banks uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank are soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank are reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.


DAG

  • michelenona
  • 12/10/08 31/05/09
  • a depositor
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  • Sat, 01/11/2008 - 00:02

Every time I see the Depositors Action Group acronym, 'DAG', I smile. I'm a sheep farmer's daughter, and the word 'dag' brings back happy memories of my New Zealand childhood.

This is an online dictionary definiton of a 'DAG':
dag, NZ
Noun
1. the dried dung on a sheep's rear
2. an amusing person (informal)
Noun, pl
'rattle one's dags' (informal), hurry up

The quaint (but uncouth) expression 'Rattle your dags!', used when exhorting someone to get a move on, came about because a sheep's dried-out dags rattle against each other when it runs. As a wee dot (in the days before we could afford a radio), I used to chase sheep around the paddock because I loved the tinkly musical sound - reminiscent of wind chimes - of their rattling dags. Thanks to the variety of size and shape of the flock's dags, lots of different 'notes' were harmoniously played by my hapless woolly orchestra. I was always miffed when Dad got out the shears and 'crutched' the sheep, silencing their rear ends!

I think the 'dag' definitions are quite apt for our DAG members:
1. To the UK, Iceland and IoM governments we're as popular as dried dung on a sheep's rear; and
2. There are lots of 'dags' on this forum who keep the rest of us smiling - and our spirits up - with their amusing posts.

As for those 'rattling dags'?
Well, the KSF IoM fiasco has certainly rattled we DAGs! But, in turn, the noise we DAGs are kicking up is rattling governments. May we continue to be heard!

I'm sure all DAGs join me in the call to GB, et al to 'Come on, rattle your dags!' and hurry up the necessary decision to restore all of our funds to us.
Michele


Letter to my Bank Managers

  • dustyourselfdown
  • 13/10/08 n/a (free)
  • a depositor
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  • Thu, 30/10/2008 - 11:33

I have written to the Managers of the other banks I have accounts with.

Dear Sirs,

In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me correctly…

If one of my cheques is returned marked "insufficient funds," how do I know whether that refers to me, or to you?

Faithfully

DYD


just a joke -what's the difference between....

  • Lucky Jim
  • 13/10/08 31/05/09
  • not a depositor
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  • Thu, 30/10/2008 - 10:20

Q: What's the difference between a kangaroo and a KSF depositor?
A: a kangaroo is madly hopping -- a depositor is hopping mad

Q:Why is a KSF IOM depositor like an IOM sheep?
A: both stand to get fleeced


How many KSFIOM deps does it to take to change a light-bulb?

  • ng
  • 11/10/08 31/12/20
  • a depositor
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  • Thu, 30/10/2008 - 10:04

9001 -

  • 1 to hold the ladder
  • 1000 to petition for return of the stolen light-bulb
  • 1000 to explain that the light-bulb was not tax-free
  • 7000 more to wait at the end of the tunnel

Yeah, where are the other

  • David9J
  • 10/10/08 31/05/09
  • a depositor
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  • Thu, 30/10/2008 - 11:34

Yeah, where are the other 7,000?!


Nice one Mat

  • Elpasout
  • 10/10/08 31/08/09
  • a depositor
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  • Thu, 30/10/2008 - 09:35

Here's another one

Q. What's the Icelander's name for a KSFIOM customer?
A. Mat (something to wipe their feet on)

Sorry - not the first time you have heard it I am sure! ;-)